I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
