when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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