sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
