4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
