Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
