I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
