It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
