I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
