i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
