Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
