Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
