he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
