the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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