It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
