as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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