Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
