it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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