oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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