So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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