its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
