Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
