If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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