it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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