I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
