Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
