Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
