This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
