never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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