this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
