that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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