Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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