He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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