My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i dont even know how to be here
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
