I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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