Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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