is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
