Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
