you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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