we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
