you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
