He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
North Korea, Best Korea!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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