would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
