True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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