Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
