It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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