I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
