Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
