i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
only you would photoshop your dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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