My underwear smells like fireworks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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