I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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