He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
