Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He did a backflip because drugs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
