The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
